I’m an mpreg writer, so my thoughts on this topic might be already clear. The larger reading community, though, has a lot of feelings about pregnancy tropes, especially the accidental (or “surprise”) pregnancy.
After seeing yet another poll where “surprise baby” was probably the top most-hated trope, I wondered why what was. And, as someone who has a kid, I think I understand. The surprise pregnancy trope dredges up a lot of uneasy feelings, especially for women.
Pregnancy Is Dangerous
For most of us who exist in a patriarchal hellscape, pregnancy and childbirth is actually something like a nightmare. While some people absolutely do have blissful pregnancies and easy births, the fact of the matter is that pregnancy can be quite harrowing. Historically, women died in childbirth quite frequently.
There are a lot of reasons for that. The rates of death on the childbed increased in the nineteenth century because of the move away from midwives. Male physicians often treated other patients as well, who may have been ill. Other times, they were coming straight from the morgue, where they’d been handling the cadavers of the recently deceased. Germ theory wasn’t a thing initially. When it was introduced, the physician who proposed it was basically laughed out of the profession.
Even before this, though, childbirth wasn’t easy; part of that is the physiology of homo sapiens sapiens. In order to walk upright, our pelvises can only be so wide. Yet, our neonates have one of the largest head-to-body ratios in the animal kingdom, thanks to our increased brain size. Human infants are born relatively undeveloped for this reason.
That’s sometimes the case as it stands: even today, infants can get stuck in the birth canal. And that’s not saying anything about the other things that can go wrong during childbirth.
In short: childbirth is dangerous.
So a surprise pregnancy can bring up issues for readers around both pregnancy and childbirth. Even from a strictly biological standpoint, this is a dangerous event! And as a result, many people have mixed feelings about both pregnancy and childbirth. While our culture tends to romanticize it, a lot of people actually don’t see it as a joyful event. It’s quite scary, when it comes right down to it.
Gender Differences in Caregiving Influences Attitudes
The issues around pregnancy and childbirth don’t stop with the physiological realities of carrying and birthing an infant, though. Rather, a lot of people—especially those who are AFAB—have a deep-rooted fear of having children.
At first, this might seem odd. After all, women are usually portrayed in media as desperately wanting to have children. Men are portrayed as squeamish or reluctant about the subject. For women, having a child might be the pinnacle of their life. For men, it’s seen as a “trap.”
In reality, it’s actually inverse. AFAB people have more reservations about having children, while those who are AMAB are often more open to having children.
Why? AFAB people are expected to care for infants from the jump. As the child grows older, responsibilities change somewhat, but the cultural expectation is that “Mother Dear” will render care when the child is sick. Mother will pick the child up from school and leave work early. She will take care of the laundry and kiss boo-boos better and replace worn-out clothes and attend doctors’ appointments.
In short, the work of caring for a child extends long beyond childbirth. The burden of it is placed fairly squarely on the birthing parent (or the shoulders of the parent assumed to be “most feminine”).
For AMAB individuals, the “burden” is largely invisible. They are not expected to contribute in the same way. In fact, fathers are often presented as bumbling and incompetent.
While many men do desire to have children, they are also trained to see children as both a burden and a commitment. Men may thus leave or abandon a pregnant partner.
A Surprise Pregnancy Upends the Future
Thus the idea that a “surprise” pregnancy is a good thing is something that’s fairly difficult for a lot of people to swallow (especially AFAB people). A surprise pregnancy upends your entire world: it is unplanned and potentially unwanted. It subjects you to the physiological demands of pregnancy and childbirth, which can have devastating consequences. It also burdens the pregnant partner with the bulk of childcare work for years. When it’s a “surprise,” it may also trigger a partner to leave or abandon the relationship, thus furthering compounding the burden of the child.
Clearly, this is not something to take lightly.
Romance Wants Us to See the Surprise Pregnancy Trope as a Good Thing
This is why the surprise pregnancy trope often feels out of step with readers. Readers live in the real world, where a surprise pregnancy is almost always a bad thing. Even if it isn’t a bad thing, the “surprise” nature of it can mean that the pregnant person needs to wrestle with the ramifications. It could be that someone wants children, but it happens at a very inopportune time. They must then make decisions about whether they feel they can properly care for a child at the current moment. Those who decide to forge ahead may find themselves isolated or abandoned by friends, family, and partners. Those who decide to end a pregnancy due to timing or other concerns may similarly find themselves isolated. They may also have to wrestle with guilt about the decision, especially if the child was wanted.
Yet romance novels almost always present us with an uncomplicated narrative. The pregnancy is a surprise, yet it’s a good thing. Even if it causes strife for the main characters, eventually they come around to seeing it as a wonderful, joyous event.
This romanticization happens for a reason: romance novels are a patriarchal fantasy, to some extent. A “surprise” pregnancy cannot be treated as though it is the often wretched event many people experience it as in real life. Romance novels very rarely portray characters wrestling or struggling with that reality.
Some more recent romance novels absolutely do incorporate more of these struggles. Feminist-leaning leads may reject the idea that motherhood is the be-all, end-all of womanly fulfillment. Just as they may take steps to avoid pregnancy, they may seriously consider terminating a pregnancy. Once a book invokes the surprise pregnancy trope, though, it’s unlikely that it will truly avoid pregnancy.
The Surprise Pregnancy Trope Can Open up Avenues for Angst
Sometimes, however, a book doesn’t follow through: the book invokes miscarriage. This trajectory is usually rife with angst. The loss of the pregnancy is ultimately what brings the main characters closer together, even if either of them were against the pregnancy or ambivalent about it at the start.
While loss can absolutely cement relationships, it can also destroy them. And miscarriage is a painful and touchy subject for many AFAB people. Thus, when a book invokes “surprise” pregnancy, it’s not only invoking everything that goes along with it. It’s also opening up the possibility of tragedy and melodrama.
Romance Novels Tend to Be Unrealistic
Many people are understandably dissatisfied with novels that simply romanticize pregnancy and parenthood, especially if that doesn’t reflect the experience they’ve had in real life.
Others may not have firsthand experience. They may simply not find it appealing to read about something they themselves have not experienced and do not wish to experience. This can be especially true if their desire to avoid pregnancy and childbirth, or even parenthood, is rooted in fear.
I myself did not have a good birth experience. Yet, compared to another friend I’ve spoken with, my experience was tame. Even a relative who had uneventful birth experiences suggested hers were difficult in some way or another.
Some people do not want to be parents or undergo pregnancy for other reasons, which are completely legitimate. Their desire to avoid these situations may not be rooted in fear. But for those who do have fear, the way romance novels portray pregnancy may make them wary.
Writers Might not Treat Subjects with Sensitivity and Care
I’ve read a lot of romance novels, and a lot of them do not research the scenarios they’re writing about. That’s true for quite a few situations—it’s definitely not limited to medical realities or childbirth or what have you. But romance seems to be one of the genres that can “get away” with this, so to speak. If you’re writing a historical novel, you’d better be prepared for people to take you to task over minute details, like the historicity of names or foods that were available in Northern Europe.
Yet when it comes to contemporary romance, people tend to hand wave research, which can compound the sense that the scenarios aren’t realistic. That can compound with the sense that the “whoops, we’re having a baby!” trope is nothing more than patriarchal propaganda aimed at strengthening the messaging that the highest possible calling for AFAB people is becoming wife and mother.
I think that makes a lot of AFAB people uncomfortable—and rightfully so. And given that AFAB people are the majority of romance readers, it follows that the surprise baby trope is deeply unpopular among readers.
That, of course, doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its place. As I stated at the outset, I write mpreg, which often uses the surprise pregnancy/surprise baby trope. Yet even this readership may have its own qualms with the surprise pregnancy/surprise baby trope, especially outside the mpreg space.
When we break it all down, it’s easy to see why most people don’t exactly love this trope—and why it can break immersion and even the enjoyment of a story for the majority of readers.
